The village idiot says the US confiscated a Venezuelan oil tanker

This live update breaks down Donald Trump’s latest attempt at looking “presidential”—announcing, with his usual incoherent fanfare, that the U.S. seized a “very large, largest ever, actually” oil tanker off the coast of Venezuela. With zero details, zero clarity, and maximum self-congratulation, he left reporters guessing whether this was about sanctions, narco-terrorism, his imagination, or all three. Meanwhile, the geopolitical backdrop is a mess of ghost tankers, shadowy intermediaries, and Maduro rattling off anti-imperialist slogans while insisting only he can keep the peace. The whole situation feels like the world’s least competent improv troupe trying to reenact the Cold War. And politically? It’s idiotic. Americans aren’t exactly losing sleep over Venezuelan oil theatrics—especially after recent high-sea disasters have already left scores dead. Depending on what happens next, Trump’s stunt could even bump U.S. oil prices. So, as usual, we’re left with confusion, bad optics, and a president who announces half-baked international incidents like he’s teasing a reboot of The Apprentice.