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Trump: from Iran to sharpies: a masterclass in presidential rambling

War propaganda, imaginary crime stats, and a and a serous discussion about pens while the world burns

Today’s cabinet meeting—featuring Donald Trump and his loyal band of aggressively nodding bobbleheads—delivered exactly what you’d expect: chaos, deflection, and a truly inspiring commitment to saying absolutely nothing of substance for extended periods of time.

What started as a discussion about war (you know, the small matter of global conflict and potential troop deployment) quickly spiraled into a fever dream of unrelated nonsense. Within minutes, we journeyed from Iran to Chicago crime, detoured through imaginary murder statistics, took a hard left into border caravans (which, breaking news, he apparently invented), and finally landed—heroically—on a 10-minute monologue about pens.

Meanwhile, cabinet members chimed in with the usual “sir, you’re a genius” energy, while reality quietly packed its bags and left the room. The throughline? Everything is amazing, nothing is real, and any inconvenient topic can be buried under a pile of rambling anecdotes and self-congratulatory bullshit.

The highlight (if that’s the word) was watching a sitting president pivot from military escalation to Sharpie pricing strategy without blinking.

End result: a cabinet meeting that felt less like governance and more like an unhinged open-mic night—except the jokes cost billions and involve actual human lives.

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